Spirits-tasting: Why it's so closely related to bad poetry

The tasting notes of so-called food and wine experts are really something else. Every time I come across their adjectives describing the product of the vine, I have to laugh. How would anyone besides my pooch Sidney be familiar with the "earthy" taste of the "woodlands"? Why are so many experts driven to describe a beverage beyond most of our experiences? I'm not quite certain why, but I can assure you there's no need for pretense to taste spirits effectively. You don't need to be a master sommelier to tell a good wine or spirit. You merely need to be sensitive to the sensations of your eyes, nose, and mouth. These senses - when paired with a budget - will be all the guide you need to stock your spirit cabinet wisely.

Knowing how to taste spirits won't necessarily help you find the type or brand of liquor you'll grow to enjoy most. However, it teaches you to taste similar products side by side and make an informed choice of preference, which isn't nearly as simple as it sounds. With wine-tasting, the spirit is tasted as it's served. But in the realm of cocktails, you have to imagine the flavor of a spirit when mixed in a favorite cocktail recipe. Is the drink as simple as the Gin and Tonic, or as complex as the Floridita? Also, different brands of spirits will lend different elements to the same drink recipe. For instance, gin cocktails like the Pink Gin and the Gibson can be mixed with dry, Plymouth, or Old Tom gin, and each makes for a different taste and experience.

To get the most out of spirits-tasting, gather a group of friends with whom you're comfortable sharing your opinions. Make certain that everyone in the group is receptive to trying the spirit to be highlighted - it's pointless for guests to sample vodka if they already know they dislike it. Tasting spirits won't encourage people to like a spirit that they don't. Rather, it lets them discover what they appreciate most about a liquor they already enjoy. Also, select a suitable time for your gathering. Exacting wine-tasters often begin sampling the juice of the vine first thing in the morning, before their palates become tarnished. Unless you're a professional taster, there's really no reason to subject your body to something it isn't accustomed to. Besides, who wouldn't agree that whiskey at 10 p.m. tastes better than whiskey at 10 a.m.?

Sample only two spirits at one sitting. Any more will be wasted on an already worn palate. If you're an experienced drinker, you may already have a few liquors you'd like to compare. If not, there are several comparisons that most imbibers will appreciate - just remember to pick only two from each listing: Absolut, Skye, Smirnoff, and Stoli vodkas (compare the winner to Bacardi light rum); Boodles, Booth's, Bombay Sapphire, Tanqueray, and Beefeaters gins; Jack Daniel's, Maker's Mark, Crown Royal, Wild Turkey, Old Overholdt, and Jim Beam Rye whiskeys; Jose Cuervo, Dos Reales, Herradura, Sauza, and Patron tequilas. Divide scotches by type, either as single malts (Glenkinchie, Lagavulin, Cragganmore, Talisker, Oban, and Dalwhinnie) or as blends (Johnnie Walker, Dewar's, Cluny, and Cutty Sark), and compare two from either grouping, but never one from each grouping.

To begin, choose two identical, clean glasses that are large but have a small opening, much like a snifter, which, in fact, was designed to capture the nose of cordials to enhance digestion. Next, decant the spirits at room temperature and hold the snifter in the palm of your hands for several minutes before smelling the liquid. Comparing the spirits at room temperature lets you note the subtle aspects of a liquor, which are nearly lost when mixed in a cocktail. As you warm the glass in your hands, gently swirl the spirit around the sides of the vessel. Notice the color of the spirit and how it acts on the side of the snifter. Wine-tasters look for "legs," or the liquid trails, of their tipple, but legs are unimportant to the cocktail drinker. If you're comparing two white spirits, hold the glasses against a white background. Even seemingly clear spirits will vary in color. The deeper the hue, typically the longer the spirit has been aged. Look at the label of the spirit's bottle. Has any coloring been added? If you've purchased something of decent value, the coloring should come from aging, though a rum might be colored with caramel or molasses.

Take a gentle sniff of each spirit, but be warned: If you breathe in too deeply or place your snout too close to the glass, you'll wind up with watery eyes and a burn in your chest. After several more gentle sniffs, breath in more deeply. How heavy is the smell? Does it attack your nasal passages with an astringent sting, or is it robustly gentle? Obviously, it should be the latter. Next, take a small sip of the first sample. Don't let the initial taste touch the tip of your tongue. Place the liquor toward the back of your tongue, where the spirit will be most accepted. Do not swallow yet. Instead, pull air through your lips and across your tongue. How does the spirit feel? Is it thin or thick?

Now, swallow the spirit. Is it a constantly pleasant taste, or does it burn? What does it remind you of - wood, juniper, rubbing alcohol? Is it pleasant or acrid? Take one last, long smell of the spirit before moving on to a few sips of water and then on to the other spirit sample. As you taste the second liquor, note which qualities the previous lacked and in which it was stronger. If you're comparing a pure distillation and a quality distillation blended with raw neutral spirits, the latter will attack your palate, stinging as it slides by. You'll find tasting spirits most effective when you make side-by-side comparisons right away. Also, you may want to compare the same two spirits at a later date, because so much affects one's day-to-day senses. Your opinions about a spirit tasted after dinner on a cold winter night may differ from when it's sampled before a late lunch during the summer. But whatever you do, don't keep tasting notes that read like bad poetry. After all, the only thing you really need to know is what spirit you like best and which brands will work best in your cocktails.