There are times when we just want a cold, cheap beer, and maybe to watch the 'Niners on a semifunctional TV. At those times we're glad we live in a city with a bar on every block, many of which seem to be named after the state of being drunk. We've imbibed at bars named Dizzy's, Tippy's, and Happy's, and we once bent an elbow at a joint called, with slurred improbability, Would You Believe, Cocktails?

But for a true cocktail, dives won't do. What are the positive clues you're in a bar where you might get a decent cocktail?

When you sit down, cast a glance behind the bar. If you see Maker's Mark, Pernod, Chartreuse, Bushmills, Cointreau, and Pimm's, you can surmise that good cocktails have once been present here, though how recently will not yet be clear.

Size up the bartender. Rushed and irritable, or relaxed and confident? The owners of good non-dive bars treat their bartenders with the same aggressive tenderness employed by jockeys with their thoroughbreds; a combination of opulence and hard riding is key.

Order an easy first drink, and leave a good tip. Then engage the bartender in conversation. Be straightforward and non-pushy.

"People ever order classic cocktails here, like the Sidecar?"

"You have fresh lemons?"

He or she should take the hint. And if your bartender responds to your question about fresh lemons by waving her classic aluminum juicer in front of your face and saying something about how it was purchased at a flea market in 1975 and is impossible to find these days, you'll know that you're off and running.