Tonight - at the sixth of the seven canonical hours - toast the bad boy of the Martini, James Bond, and the genre - not to mention the cocktail - he inspired.
Invite your friends to an archaeological dig of everyone's favorite "misogynistic dinosaur." You make the drinks and hors d'oeuvres, and let Hollywood make burlesque out of Ian Fleming's books.
Prior to your guests' arrival, brush up on your secret-agent trivia. A Scorpio, Mr. Bond - like most action heroes - led a sad and troubled childhood, with his parents dying in a freak climbing accident and puberty hitting him hard early on. At the tender age of 12, he got into unspecified (but deducible) trouble with a maid and was asked to leave Eton College, according to Jeff Rovin's Adventure Heroes: Legendary Characters from Odysseus to James Bond. Despite being unable to outgrow adolescence, Mr. Bond began service to Her Majesty eight years later. But it wasn't until he murdered a few particularly vexing villains that he was hailed as 007 and entitled to a year-round license to hunt humans.
A lightweight boxer and a heavyweight womanizer, he has style and knows his liquor and watches. If any guests doubt your credibility, impress them with your knowledge that in the books, though never in the films, Mr. Bond has a 3-inch scar on his right cheek and he was once married to a countess, though she was conveniently gunned down soon after the wedding. Your ace in the hole, however, will be this earth-shattering fact and perfect segue to the evening's drink: Mr. Bond sipped more than vodka Martinis.
Christened after Russian double agent Vesper Lynd, who - had it not been for her untimely suicide - would have been the first Mrs. Bond, this drink may tempt those who spurn the classic dry Martini. To make a Vesper (our version is slightly improved from the original), ounces orange zest.
Gilberto Preti, the esteemed London mixologist at Drake's Hotel, suggests snapping the orange zest and floating it atop a Vesper for additional citrus flavor. To make a Vesper especially smooth, keep your gin and vodka in the freezer, and for those guests who still claim difficulty stomaching dry drinks, add a dash or two more Lillet for a stronger bittersweet-orange flavor.
If someone still finds this drink too antiseptic, use less vodka or none at all. A particular garnish trick may also help: Cut off the ends of an orange, so you have two "discs." Hold one over a Vesper and squeeze the peel with the pulp-side up. As you do this, light the citrus' juice with a wooden match. Then, drop the orange slice into the drink. Certain to appeal to pyromaniacs and James Bond himself, a drink with this functional garnish is rarely resisted.
Before starting the 007 flicks, serve hors d'oeuvres. Knowing that Mr. Bond appreciates simple, salty food, we suggest making secret agent tunes.
As guests inevitably begin to chatter about Mr. Bond's more notorious habits, cut right to the Bond girls. It's better to divide your guests into camps early on, prior to seating. Let everyone debate whether Moneypenny is still a wet noodle in tight polyester or, as GoldenEye might suggest, an empowered secretary able to make coy references about sexual harassment. As host, keep all discussion amicable, and if detractors of the Bond girls become vicious, remind everyone how numerous Miss Universes have been able to find employment as Bond girls after their reigns. Out of respect - if only for the cocktail - always defend Vesper.
Encourage guests to cast votes for their favorite Bond actor: Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, or Pierce Brosnan. Anyone who actually remembers Mr. Lazenby should receive an honorable mention, and those who vote for Mr. Dalton should be asked to leave. Award the winner a copy of The Book of Bond or Every Man His Own 007 from 1965, ostensibly written by Mr. Bond's best friend, service chief of staff Bill Tanner, and edited by Kingsley Amis.
As you wrap up the evening with another round of Vespers, have your guests add to David Letterman's Top 10 lists of "Rejected Gadgets" and "Sean Connery Movie Lines." By the last movie's credits (or, for some, the first film's opening credits), guests will be pleased they have a few years until the next secret agent film.
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