Save your four bucks for the headset; skip spirits in the air

We don't expect to receive quality drinks while in airport bars or on planes. But it wasn't so long ago that you could receive a tasty cocktail while traveling by air. Back in the '30s and '40s - when flying was a luxury - airships actually staffed bartenders, and the Aviation, the prince of classic cocktails, took off.

When Cocktail visited the Solent Mark III - once one of the great amphibious airships, now beached at the Oakland International Airport's North Field in California - we were pleasantly surprised to find that the first thing we saw upon boarding the Solent was a bar, still stocked with liquor.

As Richard Serjeant points out in his book A Man May Drink, people want a drink before a flight, and they'd prefer it to be well-made. Most settle for a bottled beer or a glass of wine, which are safe from the meddlings of slipshod bartenders. But as Serjeant writes, "Bottled beers and other 'fizzy' drinks, if imbibed at ground level, can produce unexpected effects with the reduction of air pressure in the initial climb ... causing discomfort and sometimes acute embarrassment."

There's also the theory that spirits go to the head quicker than other drinks at heights, but as Serjeant suggests, this is a phenomenon more likely to be caused by lowered prices than increased altitude. Every time I spot an airport bar boasting double the liquor for half the price, I cringe. Not only does this bastardize a drink recipe, it encourages people to drink for the hangover by the time they reach their destination.

Things aren't much better once you're on the plane. During most flights you'll hear the attendants with their beverage carts of complimentary juices and sodas. For three or four bucks, you can buy a glass of wine, a beer, or a cocktail. Although the stewards are passing out premium liqueurs, something's still awry. Either distillers are supplying a different grade of spirit to the airlines, or those cute little plastic bottles are the cause of a distasteful metamorphosis. Even my standby, Johnnie Walker Red Label - which tastes the same no matter what's playing on the jukebox - is nearly unpalatable in those friendly skies.

As far as sipping real cocktails on a plane goes, forget it. In an attempt to lure cocktail drinkers, Margarita that can be enjoyed at 35,000 feet. Remember, a key ingredient in nearly all cocktails is fresh fruit - something you'd be hard pressed to find on a plane. If you're wanting a cocktail that involves fruit - even if you're in first class - you're going to receive a substitute that is no substitute.

So save your four bucks for the headset, and skip any distilled spirit in the air. Although airlines could easily return to the days when they served quality drinks, we all know they won't. As airlines continue to whine about the Aviation Clean Air Act - which merely requires them to beat the air quality of ventilated prisons - we'll just have to concern ourselves with quality cocktails after we've collected our baggage and reached our destination.