Infused vodkas: The Alchemist tells you where he'd draw the line

Every generation has its version of the bad drink, but it wasn't until the '70s that drinks really started getting bad. As most of you know, I usually blame the Harvey Wallbangers and Screwdrivers, I can't help but suspect these drinkers - though decked out in the latest retro styles made with polyester, terry cloth, and velour - have been influenced by more than missed nostalgia.

Most people insist they're immune to hucksterism, and for the most part they probably are. But few of us can deny that the marketing and PR flaks of liquor companies have done a good job: They create ridiculous drink recipes promoting their company's spirits, put them on tabletops or in magazine ads, and tell members of the press that there's some great trend going on and, boy, are they missing out. Soon enough, there's all sorts of articles on cocktails being published, from "101 Martinis" to "How to make a cocktail so you can't taste the liquor." The typical imbiber can't help but want to join in. Bar owners, of course, don't mind - they're selling drinks and getting free signage. Bartenders might mind, but they are giving the customers what they ordered.

Moscow Mule, a vodka). But now, Mr. Roux is promoting Stoli vodka with hopes of overtaking Absolut and possibly Smirnoff in the American markets. Unfortunately, he seems set on doing this with little regard for the tradition of cocktails as he leads Carillon Importers in promoting sickly sweet vodkas.

Companies like Stoli have found more than a few gimmicks for marketing their liquor. Stoli's six new flavored vodkas are sweeter and 12 percent lower in proof than the company's original product. Most imbibers don't read liquor labels, so many don't realize that vodka companies selling 70-proof liquor are marketing only 88 percent of their original product. The remaining 12 percent is really just water and sweeteners. The math works well for suppliers, who can sell less product in more units. The situation reminds me of the man who made millions off the toothpaste companies. Legend has it he bet a big toothpaste producer that he could increase sales by 15 percent. His idea was to make the hole in the end of the toothpaste tube 15 percent larger, since most people measure how much they use based on the length of their toothbrush. But why pay more for essentially less? Chances are you wouldn't let a gasoline producer get away with lowering the octane in its gas while charging the same. Why allow less vodka in your vodka?

But what's interesting about Stoli's new product line (which includes strawberry- and raspberry-flavored vodka) is that the company seems to be trying to raise the sophistication of cordial drinkers in the United States. After all, how many true-blue vodka drinkers do you know who would want the essence of sweet fruits in their drink? Vodka is perceived as a grown-up drink; schnapps is not. Won't youngsters (and adults who haven't lost their sweet tooth yet) feel more confident and sophisticated ordering a peach vodka with orange juice instead of a Fuzzy Navel (peach schnapps and OJ)? All this is even more intriguing when you consider the US's legal definition of vodka, established in 1949. According to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms, vodka sold in the US must be "neutral spirits ... without distinctive character, aroma, taste, or color." I can understand an allowance for certain flavors, such as citrus and herbs, that aid in readying the palate for food or digestion. But I can't help but question how the addition of chocolate, vanilla, and raspberry - all buttressed with sugar - can fall inside anyone's definition of vodka.

When the Los Angeles Times ran a story in January featuring bars that "specialized" in 34 varieties of Martinis, I had to roll my eyes. Roux and Carillon would surely be pleased at having their products in the news. Hopefully, though, people read the article to its end. Author Elizabeth Weil accurately compares infused vodkas and mutated Martinis to the wine coolers of the '80s. But it was her snippet from Michel Roux that really amused me: "People reaffirm their personality with a Martini," said Roux. "Right now, they want to be perceived hip enough to drink it. But they don't have the courage." And Ms. Weil's summation on the whole trend is even better: "Fact is, the Martini trend exposes that which, mercifully, wine coolers obscured. That we just fell for the ad men, slogan over jingle. Now we've proven our need to cut the strong with the sugar, to water the powerful down." I'd like to add that if you don't want to taste or understand a spirit, you shouldn't be drinking it. Enjoying spirits is a part of our lives that should not be taken lightly or, if imbibed, hidden from taste - that way, we'll know when to say when.