Serves many

1 live pig, stolen
1 burlap sack, large enough to wrap the whole pig
2 cups olive oil
6 peppers (bell and/or spicy), loosely chopped
8 medium-size yellow onions, peeled and halved
5 medium-to-large heads of garlic, broken into cloves and peeled
Salt
Black pepper
2 dozen smooth rocks, about 5 to 6 inches in diameter.

For best results in not getting caught, poach your pig just before dawn (I'm afraid we can't give you any more helpful tips on this matter).

In the afternoon, dig a pit about 3 feet deep and large enough to accomodate the stolen swine. Put the rocks into a fire pit, a fireplace, or a wood-burning stove for about an hour, or until red-hot.

Shoot the frightened animal in the head (good luck finding someone else who's willing to do it), and then drain all its blood by slitting its throat and hanging it upside down. Clean out its entrails and rinse the whole thing off, inside and out. In a large vat or barrel, scald the cleaned and gutted pig in nearly boiling water to remove all hair.

Rub the animal with olive oil, garlic, salt and pepper, and fill its cavity with onions, peppers, and garlic. Wrap the spiced and filled creature in burlap.

At dusk, throw the very hot stones into the hole you've dug (or that you cajoled some other poor soul into digging). Lower the burlap-wrapped pig into the pit, cover immediately with earth and leave overnight to cook. Your hot hog will be done by early afternoon of the following day.

Preparation time: 1 day
Cooking time: about 20 hours

Historical note: The method of underground roasting, was originally an invention of the Taino (Caribbean). Their word, which we get through the Spanish "barbacoa," becomes our suburban "barbecue."

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